Clear Expensive Skies

“Unhand that pup and apologize to the lady.” Scene 9

Scene 9

(scene: interior of the Thrasherville Sheriff’s Office. Ten Gallon is seated at his desk, writing something or other. Little Little sits in the corner carving something out of wood with his pocketknife. Deputy Colby sits at another desk, feet up, absentmindedly shuffling a deck of cards. Some of them fall onto the floor; the Deputy doesn’t seem eager to pick them up. In walks Mayor Waddell.)

MAYOR WADDELL

Good day, gents. How are Thrasherville’s finest this afternoon? I’ve, ah, come here to discuss a few things about those rowdy boys from the Wolf Gang. Mind if I have a seat?

(Deputy Colby doesn’t look up. Little Little seems like he’s about to say something when Ten Gallon looks up and speaks.)

TEN GALLON

So what’s the deal Mr. Mayor?

MAYOR WADDELL

(genuinely nonplussed) The deal?

TEN GALLON

The deal.

MAYOR WADDELL

Have to say I don’t know what you’re talking about, Sheriff, I, uh—-

DEPUTY COLBY

(suddenly looking up) Aw, come on now Mr. Mayor! You know damn well what he’s talkin’ ‘bout. Now ‘fess up.

MAYOR WADDELL

I can’t say I do know. Truly, Sheriff Peverley, if there’s something specific you want to know, well just ask.

TEN GALLON

You reveal a big ol’ heap more than you intend by calling me “Sheriff,” Mr. Mayor. I told you before, I ain’t the damn sheriff. There’s only one sheriff in this town and he’s one of them Russians. He’s been on leave for a while now, I’m sure you’ll remember.

MAYOR WADDELL

Well, yes, of course. Sheriff Kovalchuk has been doing important work. I’m not at liberty to say just what he’s been doing, but I hope you’ll trust me.

TEN GALLON

Trust you about what? That’s a damn non-sequitur, Mr. Mayor. There ain’t a drop of sticky tobacco to connect the first part of that sentence to the second.

(silence)

MAYOR WADDELL

I suppose you’re asking when Sheriff Kovalchuk will be returning to our fine town?

TEN GALLON

I ain’t askin’ when, Mr. Mayor. I’m askin if.

MAYOR WADDELL

If what?

DEPUTY COLBY

Don’t play dumb now, Mr. Mayor, let’s just answer the man’s question.

MAYOR WADDELL

That, Deputy, is no way to address the Mayor of Thrasherville.

TEN GALLON

Keep your voice down, Deputy. Mr. Mayor, what I’m sayin’ is that if I’m a-gonna keep this town just and orderly, if it’s gonna run properly, I need to know whether that Russian is ever comin’ back.

MAYOR WADDELL

Well, you know, we’re confident we can get a deal done.

LITTLE LITTLE

Gotta say I don’t reckon I know what that means.

(sudden shout from outside. All four stand up and look out the door. One of Marty’s Blue Crew Party Girls is running through the street chasing a dog.)

MARTY’S PARTY GIRL #1

Come back, Hunter! Come back!

LITTLE LITTLE

Blue Crew girl’s lost her dog!

(all four say “I’ll get it” in unison and charge out onto the street)

TEN GALLON

Hey miss, I got a leash in here! (pointing to police office) Use it for my dog; ya need it?

MARTY’S PARTY GIRL #1

Hunter doesn’t have a collar! (looking increasingly distressed as Hunter bounds up the street)

DEPUTY COLBY

Shit, son.

TEN GALLON

Reckon I’ll just use it as a lasso.

(Our hero runs back into the office, grabs the leash, and races back outside. He runs up the street and seems to be within lasso-ing range of Mr. Hunter. Just as Ten Gallon is swirling the leash over his head and preparing to let fly, an unsightly large man, on a horse and smoking a cigar, lurches out from an alley and grabs the dog by the neck.)

UNSIGHTLY CIGAR MAN

(holding up Hunter) Whose dog is this?

MARTY’S PARTY GIRL #1

He belongs to Jimmy Slates over at the hotel, sir. He just ran out; poor Jimmy wasn’t in any state to get up and run after him, so I had to get him.

(Ten Gallon and Deputy Colby exchange looks. Jimmy Slates with a Blue Crew girl?)

UNSIGHTLY CIGAR MAN

I don’t wanna see no more dogs without collars roamin’ these streets. Got that?

MARTY’S PARTY GIRL #1

I-I…who are you, exactly?

TEN GALLON

That ain’t no way to talk to a lady and it sure as hell ain’t no way to be cordial to a canine, sir. Now unhand that pup and apologize to the lady.

UNSIGHTLY CIGAR MAN

Ah, you must be the famous Ten Gallon Dick Peverley. Keeping Thrasherville safe by chasing after drunken and dissolute hoteliers’ dogs. (drops Hunter, who scurries over to Marty’s Party Girl #1.)

MARTY’S PARTY GIRL #1

Don’t talk about Jimmy that way! He’s a good man, and he’s kind, and he’s, he’s…

MAYOR WADDELL

(who has been looking terrified this entire time) Okay, Sheriff Peverley, that’s enough. No need to rile up the Committee any more than we already have today.

TEN GALLON

(bewildered and exasperated) Who in tarnation is the Committee? And who is this ugly bastard? Just what the hell is going on here?

UNSIGHTLY CIGAR MAN

Go on, Mr. Mayor. Tell ‘em.

MAYOR WADDELL

(looking at his feet) He’s uh…he’s uh…he’s a representative of the Committee. Their enforcer, if you will. Their strongman.

UNSIGHTLY CIGAR MAN

That’s about the size of it. I best be going now. You take care, Mayor Waddell. See to it there’s no trouble with any of these kids. (he turns his horse northward and rides away)

TEN GALLON

Mr. Mayor, you’re gonna have to tell us just what in the hell is just about goin’ on.

LITTLE LITTLE

How can you let that fella talk to you like that, Mr. Mayor? You’re the mayor!

MAYOR WADDELL

I am, Little, you’re right. But sometimes even mayors have people to answer to…

(close-up shot of Ten Gallon’s face. He realizes what’s going on here.)

TEN GALLON

(slowly) The Committee, huh?

MAYOR WADDELL

(shamefacedly averting his eyes) The Committee.

LITTLE LITTLE

Is that like some devil from some old Indian story?

TEN GALLON

No, Little Little. I’m afraid it ain’t.

(Mayor Waddell tips his hat to everyone, wishes them a good day, and walks off. Hunter the Dog and Marty’s Party Girl #1 head back towards the hotel. Final shot of the scene shows Little Little, Deputy Colby, and Ten Gallon Dick standing in the middle of the dusty street, the sun just beginning its descent over the cacti and the mountains. Behind them is a huge poster advertising something called the Podes Hightower Beast Circus, soon to arrive in town.)

TEN GALLON

This town is doomed.

“Slava takes a drag of a cigar and gazes into the endless desert.” Scene 8

I apologize in advance for this scene. It’s necessary, though, to set up some (I hope) truly marvelous action later.

Scene 8

(scene: a shaded morning, thunderstorms visible over the plains. Day after the incident at Marty’s. We’re outside Thrasherville at some sort of ranch. Nik Antropov is riding slowly towards a house atop his black steed. Misha, his coyote companion, walks alongside.)

NIK

What you think, Misha? This the place?

(Misha, being a coyote, is silent.)

NIK

A ranch is a ranch is a ranch, after all.

(Misha seems to find this inarguable. Nik dismounts his horse and and approaches the door to the ranch house. Before he can knock it opens. Standing there is a grizzled old rancher, who may or may not have a lazy eye.)

MAN WITH THE LAZY EYE

Nikolai Antropov?

NIK

The same. And this (pointing at Misha) is—-

MAN WITH THE LAZY EYE

(cutting him off) Vyacheslav Kozlov. Everyone calls me Slava Lazy Eyes, though, even though I have but one. I hear you’re good at herding.

NIK

I won’t deny it, Slava Lazy Eyes.

SLAVA LAZY EYES

Well, I have a project.

NIK

What kind of project?

SLAVA LAZY EYES

(long pause. Slava takes a drag of a cigar and gazes into the endless desert. Finally he speaks.) What do you know about the railroad?

NIK

Well, not much. I mean, I ride trains…

SLAVA LAZY EYES

But you are a good herder.

NIK

Yes.

SLAVA LAZY EYES

I hear you’re the best. That’s why I invited you to this place. You two come inside. We have much to talk about.

(Misha and Nik walk inside Slava Lazy Eyes’ spacious but rustic home. There’s a giant stuffed bear in one corner.)

SLAVA LAZY EYES

A beautiful creature, to be sure. Beautiful and majestic, but lethal. I had to kill that one long ago, back in the days when I was hunting and trapping up in Michigan.

NIK

Interesting.

SLAVA LAZY EYES

Can I offer you coffee? Tea? Bourbon?

NIK

No thanks. Misha?

(Silence)

NIK

None for Misha, either, thank you.

(Nik and Slava sit down in chairs, Misha sits on the floor. Slava has a cup of coffee waiting already.)

SLAVA LAZY EYES

So I shall get to my point. I’m thinking of breaking into the railroad business.

NIK

(leaning forward) That’s a tough business. The people involved, the magnates and tycoons…real vultures, very brutal people.

SLAVA LAZY EYES

They are brutal. Not brutal like the Cossacks and the imperial guards I came here to get away from, but brutal in their own way, certainly. That’s partially why I want to get into the business. I want to build railroads, but without slave labor—-don’t deceive yourself, that is exactly what these people do with the Chinamen workers—-and without the, shall we say, lawless business practices.

NIK

Are you one of those Decembrist types?

SLAVA LAZY EYES

(a distant, wistful look suddenly crosses his face) I was, once.

NIK

You were there in ’25? You look young for your age then.

SLAVA LAZY EYES

I wasn’t. My father, though, he was. Shot by the Tsar’s men. Not in the actual revolt, you see, but much later on, when got into a fight with a soldier at a tavern.

NIK

I see.

SLAVA LAZY EYES

I want you to help me, Nikolai. Help me build a railroad. A railroad built by cows.

NIK

(understandably a bit surprised) You want to build a railroad out of cows?

SLAVA LAZY EYES

No. I want the tracks to be built with cow labor. Well-paid and well-rested cow labor. Oh, I’ve made enough money over the years. Selling furs from my hunts, prospecting and all that gold stuff, ranching. I can afford to buy enough grain for all of them. I just want to prove it can be done. But it can only be done if I have the best cow-herder around to help me. What do you think of that?

NIK

(raising his eyebrows, stroking his chin) It’s certainly ambitious.

SLAVA LAZY EYES

Will you do it?

NIK

(a brief pause) Yes.

Scene 7

(this time Aaron gets credit for his mad photo skills AND for some plot details)

Scene 7

(the scene begins with Maxim Afinogenov coming down the stairs of the Hotel Philips. He passes various pictures on the wall, most of them showing a younger version of hotel owner Jimmy Slates in all sorts of heroic situations: one of him fighting an alligator while holding a knife between his teeth, another one showing him lasso a huge bull, and another where he’s surrounded by saloon girls. Maxim passes through the lobby and comes to the hotel desk, where the current Jimmy Slates is reading a newspaper.)

MAXIM

Is that the town newspaper?

JIMMY

(without looking up) One of ‘em.

MAXIM

(a bit surprised) There’s more than one newspaper in Thrasherville?

JIMMY

Yeah, it’s strange for a small town like ours, but yessir, there are several. Could be the only booming industry in this one-horse town.

MAXIM

Which one is that?

JIMMY

This one? A little sheet called The Thrasherville Gazette. It’s not the best, but its editors are a little bit friendlier to me than the ones at the big daily we got here. That one is called Eyes on Thrasherville Anonymous.

MAXIM

The newspapers here have opinions on hotel owners?

JIMMY

(a bit mysteriously) Some do.

MAXIM

(clearly eager to change the subject) I saw those pictures of you on the wall. Looks like you’ve had all kinds of adventures.

JIMMY

In better days, I did. In better days. (reaches for the sign-in book, which is open at an early page, and presses some kind of button on the fat back part of the book. The sign-in book, we see, has a secret compartment in it. Jimmy Slates pulls from it a bottle of whiskey.)

MAXIM

Ah, you keep whiskey in….in your sign-in book.

JIMMY

(pouring himself a shot) Like a shot?

MAXIM

I suppose I might indulge, yes.

(Jimmy pours a shot for Maxim. Maxim downs it in one gulp, but looks horrified by the taste. He turns toward the large lobby window and looks out onto the street. Night has fallen in Thrasherville.)

MAXIM

Well, that certainly was good. Say, what’s your opinion on the fare on offer at Marty’s Party Saloon? Good, bad, indifferent?

JIMMY

(looking at The Thrasherville Gazette again) I’d say it’s pretty good, but I gotta admit I prefer the grub here at the hotel.

MAXIM

Which way to the dining room, then?

(There is no reply, because Jimmy Slates has suddenly passed out face-down on the newspaper and the sign-in book.)

MAXIM

Mr. Slates? Mr. Slates?

(Maxim lifts up Jimmy’s head and proceeds to slap his face a few times. His cheek is smudged with lettering from The Thrasherville Gazette. Suddenly Ten Gallon Dick appears out of nowhere.)

TEN GALLON

Alright now, Mr. ‘Finogenov. Just lay ol’ Jimmy’s head back down and let him rest. He does this just about every night, I tell you what.

MAXIM

(gingerly letting Jimmy’s head flop back down) Really? He seems…troubled.

TEN GALLON

Aw, he ain’t troubled, he’s just Jimmy. Come on now, let’s go get ourselves some grub at Marty’s.

(The two leave the hotel, Maxim looking back at Jimmy several times. The front of Hotel Philips is decorated for the coming Christmas holidays, as are most of the shops and bars along Thrasherville Main Street. Marty’s Party Saloon is no exception. The front is decked with holly and ivy, and candles burn in the windows.)

MAXIM

Very festive.

TEN GALLON

It sure is, but crime usually goes up ‘round this time of year. More headaches for me, but hopefully you’ll be able to help us with that.

(The two push open the doors into Marty’s. It’s a riot of color and sound. It seems like just about every denizen of Thrasherville is there. There’s a roar of conversation; sparsely-dressed ladies in blue sit at card tables, hang out on the staircase leading to the rooms above, and bring trays of overflowing mugs of beer from the bar to the patrons; a group of shifty-looking young men play darts in a corner. There’s also a piano playing, somewhere.)

TEN GALLON

(giving the place a good, wary once-over) Come on, Mr. Fins, let’s go see Marty.

(The two walk up to the bar. Ten Gallon puts his hat on the bar, Maxim keeps his on. The bartender, presumably Marty, comes over.)

TEN GALLON

Two whiskeys, Marty.

MARTY

Coming right up, Sheriff.

MAXIM

Does this place cause a lot of problems?

TEN GALLON

Not exactly. Marty’s a decent fella, and he runs this place well. But there’s always some rough fella that decides he’s gonna make trouble for everybody else.

MAXIM

I see.

(Nik and Pavel appear at the bar.)

TEN GALLON

You boys get a good rest?

NIK

Oh yes. A very good rest. The hotel owner seems to be getting a better one right now though.

MARTY

(polishing some glasses) Fellas, can I help you?

PAVEL

Beer of whatever kind.

NIK

The same.

PAVEL

Any of you up for a game of Faro?

NIK

I am.

MAXIM

Sure.

TEN GALLON

(shouting over the bar) Marty, bring the beers to my usual table. We’re gonna play some Faro.

MARTY

Anything you say, Sheriff.

(Ten Gallon, Maxim, Nik, and Pavel find a table near the piano player. The piano player is unshaven, and plays with a bottle of wine on the top of his piano. One of the blue-wearing girls sits on the piano stool with him, smoking a cigarette and humming along with his melodies. Ten Gallon starts arranging the cards.)

TEN GALLON

(to the piano player, while sorting the cards) How is it, Ronnie?

RONNIE

(without interrupting his playing) Pretty good. Got a lotta people here tonight, so best be at my best.

TEN GALLON

Play us some of that Franz Liszt.

RONNIE

Shoot, I’m gonna some ten-gallon songs tonight.

(The two share a laugh. Marty personally delivers the beer to Nik and Pavel. Mayor Waddell comes in and sits down at our heroes’ table.)

MAYOR WADDELL

The saviors of Thrasherville! Deal me in, Sheriff.

NIK

I have to say this town doesn’t seem that dangerous so far. Economically lagging, perhaps, but not crime-ridden.

TEN GALLON

(still dealing cards, the brim of his hat obscuring his face) Let’s hope it’s a quiet night.

(Deputy Colby and Little Little enter the bar. Little Little spots Ten Gallon and starts walking towards his table, but the Deputy grabs his arm and shakes his head to say no. They sit at the bar, with their backs to it so Colby can watch the suspicious newcomers.)

MAYOR WADDELL

You fellas are going to help this town out quite a bit, I can tell already. Why, in just one year we’ll be as flourishing and thriving as Sharkville or Penguinland.

PAVEL

Seems like a tall order, Mr. Mayor.

(at that instant, there’s a scream from the other side of the saloon. Ten Gallon stands up immediately. Deputy Colby and Little Little grab their guns. Ten Gallon sees that the shifty-looking, dart-playing young men are behaving ungallantly towards one of Marty’s blue crew. The largest of them has her in his grip and won’t let go. Ten Gallon walks over to them and grabs one of the youngins by the shoulder.)

TEN GALLON

Alright boys, that’s enough. Leave the lady alone.

LITTLE LITTLE

Yeah, leave her alone!

TEN GALLON

Say, I recognize you boys. You’re that group that came over Wolftown, thinkin’ you were gonna make it big here in Thrasherville. (looking at each one as he identifies them) You’re Tim Stapleton. And you’re Spencer Machacek. And you’re Josh Gratton. Well boys, you gotta learn to pick on someone your own size. Unhand that lady, now.

GRATTON

I hate you Thrasherville Police varmints. I come over and prove myself, but you still won’t let me have a job in your force.

TEN GALLON

Nothing I can do about it, son. Chief Kovalchuk made the final decision.

GRATTON

I hit two bull’s eyes in one day! Doesn’t that prove I’m a damn good shot?

TEN GALLON

Not really.

STAPLETON

And what about me? Ain’t I cop material?

TEN GALLON

Maybe in the minor leagues.

(Stapleton roars his disapproval and breaks a whiskey bottle on a table. He holds the jagged bottle edge up to Ten Gallon Dick’s neck.)

STAPLETON

You best mind your own business, lawdog.

GRATTON

Yeah, mind your own business.

LITTLE LITTLE

Put the bottle down! (lifting his gun)

STAPLETON

(laughs) I don’t think so, peckerhead. What are you gonna do with that gun, anyway?

DEPUTY COLBY

(slowly, and through gritted teeth) You son of a bitch.

(Stapleton continues to point the jagged bottle at Ten Gallon Dick. Gratton has let the girl go, but he’s drawn his gun and points it at Little Little.)

GRATTON

I think you fellas don’t know what you’re missin’ in studs like us. And I think it’s time for you to find out. I think I just might try some target practice right now, on this overrated Little Little dickmuffin. (cocks pistol, the entire bar gaps)

TEN GALLON

Not now you ain’t.

(Ten Gallon kicks the gun from Gratton’s hand. Stapleton lunges for Ten Gallon’s jugular but TGD has already moved out of the way. Stapleton falls over a table. Deputy Colby grabs Gratton’s gun from the floor and holds it up to the sinister minor-leaguer. Machacek just stands there.)

TEN GALLON

Jealousy’s the most corrosive of emotions, cock-faces. Marty, get me a rope!

(Bartender Marty disappears behind the bar and finds a rope. He tosses it to Ten Gallon. Ten Gallon, Deputy Colby, and Little Little find a rope and tie the three resentful minor-leaguers together. They drag them to a corner and stuff handkerchiefs in their mouths.)

TEN GALLON

You gentlemen just sit here for a while until you learn to act civilized towards the ladies and everyone else. Now if you’ll excuse me, I got a game a’ cards to finish.

(The young men from Wolftown make muffled curses. Ten Gallon, Deputy Colby, and Little Little walk away. The saloon erupts in applause.)

LITTLE LITTLE

Aw shucks.

DEPUTY COLBY

This gives me a chance to talk about my bravery with the Blue Crew!

(Little and Colby head for the bar. Ten Gallon re-takes his seat at the Faro table with Nik, Pavel, Maxim, and Mayor Waddell.)

NIK

This is a strange little town.

(Back at the bar, Little Little and Deputy Colby are discussing their exploits with Marty and the Blue Crew)

LITTLE LITTLE

And then he was gonna shoot me!

MARTY

I think I’m gonna dispose of these varmints. Boults, Thor, get over here!

(Two large gents, clearly Marty’s goons, appear out of nowhere.)

MARTY

What the hell do I pay you boys for? You’re s’posed to be the bouncers here. You’re s’sposed to keep order and prevent nonsense like that from happ’nin.

BOULTS

Sorry, boss.

THOR

Yeah, sorry. I was distracted by Ronnie’s music.

BOULTS

Wont’ happen again.

MARTY

I’m sure it won’t. Now make yourselves useful and get on over there and drag those tied-together-good-for-nothin’s outta my saloon!

BOULTS

Yessir.

(Boults and Thor walk over to the darts corner, pick up the Stapleton-Machacek-Gratton trio, and drag them outside)

(Back at the Faro table, Pavel seems to be winning. Ronnie the piano player takes a break from his playing and takes a seat.)

MAXIM

How do you keep winning?

PAVEL

I have, let’s say, experience with this game.

RONNIE

Experience with magic powers, maybe.

PAVEL

One could say that.

RONNIE

Ha ha, a magic Czech! I hear there’s—-well, I read a book once all about magic in Prague. It said something about—-

PAVEL

Alchemy?

RONNIE

Why, yes.

PAVEL

And the golem?

RONNIE

Yessir, that too, and uh—-

PAVEL

I know all about those things.

(Ronnie takes a swig from his wine bottle.)

Scene 6

(photo: BWA Aaron)

Scene 6

(Ten Gallon is leading his posse down the platform at the Thrasherville Train Station.)

TEN GALLON

(pulling out a worn unattached pocket-watch) Should be on time.

DEPUTY COLBY

They’re always late these days. I remember the last time I came down here from Saskatoon, hell sheriff, I remember it took—-

(The deputy is interrupted by the shrill whistle and chugging wheels of the arriving train. Station attendant yells out, “12:20 from Leafburg!” The train steams in and eventually comes to a stop. The doors open.)

LITTLE LITTLE

Lotta people from Leafburg get off at Thrasherville?

TEN GALLON

Not many. The three fellas we’re pickin’ up should be easy enough to notice.

(Ten Gallon speaks the truth. The only human souls that step off the 12:20 from Leafburg are our friends from the previous scenes: Maxim, Pavel, and Nik. Needless to say, Nik is accompanied by Misha the Coyote. All of them look around warily. Nik is still smoking a cigarette; Pavel looks guarded and severe; Max looks slightly confused.)

DEPUTY COLBY

That them? (pointing to our Euro trio and the coyote)

TEN GALLON

Oughta be. Go introduce yourself, Deputy.

DEPUTY COLBY

Ah, sir, do I gotta?

TEN GALLON

Reckon we’ll all say hello.

(Our heroes start moseying on over. Maxim has already made eye contact with Ten Gallon when suddenly the offscreen voice of the Mayor of Thrasherville, a certain Mr. Waddell, calls out, “Ah, fellas, uh, happy to see you’ve made it.” Our six characters all turn towards the other side of the platform, where Mayor Waddell is stepping down from a stagecoach and walking towards the three Europeans eagerly. He shakes all their hands before Ten Gallon Dick approaches him.)

TEN GALLON

Mr. Mayor.

MAYOR WADDELL

Sheriff Peverley.

DEPUTY COLBY

I thought we was the ones s’sposed to pick up these empyreans.

MAYOR WADDELL

Empyreans?

DEPUTY COLBY

Folks from over there, you know.

MAYOR WADDELL

Well, uh, the-uh, the-uh reason I came today is I needed you boys to be bodyguards to these newcomers to our fine town. Alas, um, we all know, uh, all know the streets of Thrasherville aren’t as safe as they could be, and well, these newcomers will be important additions.

LITTLE LITTLE

I don’t follow.

MAYOR WADDELL

What I’m saying is you boys might need to look after these men. Accompany them to saloons and such. Don’t want any harm to come to ‘em, and uh—-

TEN GALLON

What makes them so important?

(At this point Nik steps forward and decides to interject.)

NIK

(removes fur hat and bows slightly) Hello, Sheriff. My name is Nikolai Antropov; I come from a hinterland that borders Russia; I have come to Thrasherville from Leafburg because I want to help your town flourish. Your Mayor tells me that the ranching on the outskirts of town isn’t all it could be. I know something about ranching. And in these hard times, I think Thrasherville could use my help.

(Pavel extends his hand to Ten Gallon)

PAVEL

I, too, was asked here by Mayor Waddell. I ran a very successful prospecting business in the Southeast a few years ago, then a moderately successful one in Leafburg. Your Mayor has provided—-how shall I say this without sounding immodest?—-incentives to come to Thrasherville and mine for gold and silver.

DEPUTY COLBY

(to Maxim) And I suppose you’re here to sell fireworks?

MAXIM

Ha, no, not at all, Policeman, sir. I had heard about an opening in your police force, a job position. I am endeavoring to fill it.

DEPUTY COLBY

(spits out a jet of black tobacco and glowers at Ten Gallon Dick) What’s this goofy empyrean talkin’ ‘bout? I ain’t never heard of no job opening in the police!

TEN GALLON

Shut your yap Deputy. We need a detective in this force. Someone to help solve some of the more mysterious killings ‘round here. Law and order in this town just ain’t been the same since Chief of Police Kovy had to go away.

MAXIM

Ah, yes. I look forward to working with him. When he gets back, of course.

(Deputy Colby is visibly frustrated to have a new colleague.)

TEN GALLON

Where are our manners, after all? This is my deputy, Colby Armstrong. Little Bryan Little over there, and I’m Dick Peverley, but everyone calls me Ten Gallon.

NIK

Why is that?

(awkward silence)

MAYOR WADDELL

(obviously trying to break the tension) Because he wears a ten gallon hat most of the time, obviously. Ha ha! Come boys, to the stagecoach. I intend for our guests to spend their first night here in Thrasherville at the opulent Philips. Luxury for prospectors and lawmen and, ah, ranchers. Yes indeed.

TEN GALLON

(to Deputy Colby and Little Little) You boys best take my horse. I’m riding with the mayor and the empyreans. I got a few things to discuss with our new detective.

(Deputy Colby shakes his head resentfully but says nothing. He and Little Little walk off the platform, mount their horses, and the deputy takes the reins of Ten Gallon’s horse. They trot off in the direction of the police station. Mayor Waddell, Nik, Pavel, Max, Misha the Coyote, and Ten Gallon all pile into the stagecoach)

TEN GALLON

Whose coyote?

NIK

Mine, I suppose. Though he’s more of a friend than a pet. Fallen on hard times. Hoping we can both make some money out of this ranching thing.

TEN GALLON

Int’restin’.I have a big yellow labrador myself, though I tell you what I got all kinds of respect for them desert canines.

NIK

What is yellow dog’s name?

TEN GALLON

Bear. ‘Cause he looks like a yellow bear, if it were a dog. (looks a bit distant all of a sudden) I love that dog.

MAXIM

You know, Lord Byron wrote an elegy for his Newfoundland.

TEN GALLON

(removes hat) Boatswain was the dog’s name, wasn’t it?

MAXIM

Clearly you are an educated man, Sheriff Peverley.

TEN GALLON

(quoting from memory)

“…Beauty without vanity

Strength without insolence

Courage without ferocity

And all the virtues of man without his vices.”

MAYOR WADDELL

Well, here we are at Hotel Philips! Enjoy your stay fellas. I have, ah, other business to attend to just now. I want to discuss business tonight at Marty’s Saloon, but for now, I have, uh, I have to be off.

(Ten Gallon, Max, Pavel, Nik, and Misha the Coyote all step down from the stagecoach. They collect their not-very-bulky luggage and drag it into the Hotel Philips. They encounter an excitable man at the desk. This would be the proprietor of the Hotel Philips: one Jimmy Slates.)

JIMMY SLATES

Ah, our important newcomers. I’ll see you to your rooms at once.

MAXIM

(to Ten Gallon, as the bellhops try to get everyone’s luggage sorted out and Nik pours some more tobacco into Misha’s pipe) So you had something to talk about with me?

TEN GALLON

I did, but now that I think about it, it can wait ‘til tonight at the saloon. We’ll discuss it then. I figure you fellas are tired from your trip. Just come over to Marty’s across the street, tonight around, say, 9 o’clock. You can get yourself some good dinner either there or here before then.

MAXIM

You are a very obliging and generous host, Sheriff Peverley.

TEN GALLON

Aw, hell. I ain’t obligin’ no one. I just got a job to do.

Scenes 4 and 5

(again, photo and production design credit to BWA Aaron)

Scene 4

(Ten Gallon, Deputy Colby, and Little Little are riding their horses down the main street of Thrasherville at a slow pace. A blonde lady in a scarlet dress waves at them from a balcony at the Philips Hotel. Deputy Colby acknowledges with a nod, Little Little tips his hat, Ten Gallon looks at her briefly but doesn’t respond. They pass the blacksmith’s shop. The proprietor, or blacksmith, is a feller named Johnny “the Wolf” Anderson. He’s a grizzled old cuss, with a seen-it-all look in his eyes and an impressive walrus mustache, but he retains his blonde hair and some measure of youthful vigor. He nods at our heroes as they trot past. Our trio nods back.)

LITTLE LITTLE

Reckon how long it’s been since Old Man Anderson came to Thrasherville?

DEPUTY COLBY

I ain’t sure, but he’s always had that you-neek system of blacksmithin’. (whistles) Boy, it’s risky, but it damn sure gets results, I’ll tell you what!

(By and by the boys come to the train station. This, clearly, is where they’ll pick up the men they keep calling “empyreans.”)

DEPUTY COLBY

I really don’t see why we need these empyreans. Thrasherville is already overrun with ‘em. If it were up to me—-

TEN GALLON

Shut your trap Deputy, and that’s an order.

LITTLE LITTLE

Can sheriffs order people around, like in the military?

DEPUTY COLBY

Little man, you sure got a lot to learn about life with Ten Gallon Dick.

Scene 5

(Back on the train with Max, Nik, Pavel, and Nik’s coyote)

PAVEL

Don’t you think you might get kicked off the train for carrying around this coyote?

NIK

They know not to mess with me or him. I’ve been around the railroads long enough to…shall we say…cultivate certain interests.

MAXIM

(clearly a bit shocked) You are involved with the railroad racket?

NIK

Well, it is not a racket. It’s more a—-

(Maxim interrupts him in Russian, and Nik responds in kind. The two grow more intense and rail at each other in Russian for a moment. Pavel looks back and forth at them before interrupting)

PAVEL

Wait wait wait! What is this about?

MAXIM

This man is involved in some shadowy business practices.

(Nik sits silently, picking his teeth with a toothpick and and contemplating his fur hat, which he’s set down on a short table next to the window)

PAVEL

Now now, gentlemen. We are newcomers to a strange new town. Outsiders, all of us. We need to stick together and mustn’t impeach one another’s characters like this.

MAXIM

(arms crossed, and thoughtful for a moment) You’re right. I apologize, Mr. Nikolai.

NIK

(slight nod) Accepted.

MAXIM

So…what are the financial problems of this coyote?

NIK

It’s too complicated to explain briefly, I’m afraid.

MAXIM

I see.

NIK

I’ve been helping him out a bit, and the reason I decided to come to Thrasherville is that I’ll be receiving a pretty penny from a rancher there. That’ll make more money to help Misha here out.

(Nik pulls out some tobacco and rolling paper. He rolls a cigarette for himself, then pulls a pipe out of his coat pocket. He dabs some tobacco into the pipe, and offers it to Misha the Coyote. Misha eagerly accepts, and sits upright next to Nik puffing away.)

MAXIM

A pipe-smoking coyote from the American West named Misha. Who could imagine such things?!

PAVEL

I must admit I’ve seen stranger.

MAXIM

Like what?

PAVEL

(suddenly a bit distant) Oh, I don’t know. Remind me to tell you some of my stories sometime. Perhaps even over brandy tonight in the bar.

NIK

So what brings you to Thrasherville, Maxim?

MAXIM

Well…I more or less got an offer from the Russian sheriff over there. He wants me to join his force. Not as an actual policeman, understand, but as an analyst, a…a…

NIK

Detective?

MAXIM

Sort of, yes. Yes, a detective.

(Maxim turns and looks out the window at the rolling cacti and red rock. Nik and Misha continue to smoke. Nik offers Pavel a cigarette, which Pavel declines.)

A Note for Plague Lovers

The latest Manic Street Preachers album, Journal for Plague Lovers (disjointed echoes of Daniel Defoe?), has been out for a while now, but for some reason I’m only just now giving it an attentive listen. A curious thing, seeing as how I’m a fan.

Turns out it’s great. Because Steve Albini produced it and the band relied on some of Richey Edwards’ old notebooks for the lyrics, lots of music journos have compared this album to the Manics’ holy terror masterpiece The Holy Bible. My reaction? It is both like and not like The Holy Bible. It’s definitely a recognizable descendant of that record in a way that most of the subsequent Manics albums were not, but it’s strikingly different all the same.

It’s aggressive and a bit menacing, but it’s also deeply humane and humanistic, not at all the nihilistic shock that The Holy Bible was. At times it’s even funny: Richey’s sense of humor is something the music world should be glad to discover. The main difference between The Holy Bible and Plague Lovers, though, is that there’s hope in these melodies. A bruised hope, one that’s tasted melancholy and even trauma, but hope. The guitars leap and charge instead of bleed acid, and both James Dean Bradfield and Nicky Wire sing like men who believe in life.

As you can tell from the clip above, Albini has made the record sharp and gnarled-sounding, but the overall sound and texture is full and crisp. The music packs a serious wallop; there are tons of memorable, original, and gorgeous melodies; and Bradfield is in classic full-throated form. There are plenty of great songs here, and tempted though I am, I won’t make a catalogue of individual tunes and their charms. Listen and pick your own favorites from this very fine record by a very special band.

Scenes 2 and 3

photo by Aaron of BWA. Shower him with praise and thanks.

Scene 2

(cut to interior of saloon. We’re suddenly in the middle of a desert town. The saloon is empty: two ragtag policemen sit at the bar, not drinking (they are on duty, after all) but jabbering loudly. Or to be more accurate: one of them is jabbering loudly. This is Colby Armstrong, the main deputy to the town’s acting sheriff, “Ten Gallon” Dick Peverley. The other cop is a bit younger, with a huge toothy grin. This is “Little” Bryan Little. Deputy Colby enjoys ribbing Little Little, and it’s clear from his behavior that Little Little is the only person in town he can condescend to.)

DEUPTY COLBY

It’s all these foreigners, I tell ya. These empyreans come in from Russia or Eastern Europe and act like they own the place. If it were up to me I’d—-

LITTLE LITTLE

(interrupting) But aren’t we foreigners?

DEPUTY COLBY

(annoyed) What?

LITTLE LITTLE

I mean, we’re Canadians who came down here to make our fortunes and ended up in Ten Gallon’s posse. Ten Gallon himself, if I ain’t mistaken, is some kind of Canadian. Basically, we’re all Canadians who talk like toughs do out here in the West. What’s wrong if a Russian wants to—-

COLBY

No, dammit. Jesus son, what I MEAN is that—-

(door of saloon opens, in comes a man wearing a sheriff’s badge and a ten gallon hat. Shotgun thrown back across his shoulder. The bright sun behind him makes him appear as a silhouette at first, but then he slowly walks towards the bar, spurs jangling.)

LITTLE LITTLE

Oh, hi there, Sheriff Peverley. Just going over some things here at the, here at the, uh…

TEN GALLON DICK

I ain’t the Sheriff, kid. There’s only one sheriff in this town. I plan on putting my deputy badge back on the damn minute he gets back. (sits down at the bar next to Deputy Colby and Little Little, removes his impressive hat, scratches his head and stares off towards nowhere in particular. He continues to speak.) And if I recall correctly, Deputy, the Sheriff is a Russian. Sometimes I’m not sure why I brought your goofy ass into the force. Try to keep some law and order in this one-horse town, and all you do is worry about Russians and Czechs. I mean, what in tarnation are you thinking?

DEPUTY COLBY

Shoot, I’m sorry, sir. Just talkin’, I guess! (forces a laugh)

TEN GALLON DICK

Matter a’ fact, I got some empyreans comin’ in here today. A Russian, a Czech, and a…what was he, again? I’m not sure, a half-Russian from the Steppes, I think. Anyway, I heard they would make damn fine prospectors out here. The Mayor’s been sendin’ ‘em telegraphs for ages now, just a-beckonin’ away; looks like he finally convinced them to come on over to Thrasherville.

DEPUTY COLBY

Ah, you trust anything Mayor Waddell says?

LITTLE LITTLE

Isn’t he the reason you’re here, Colby?

DEPUTY COLBY

Exactly.

TEN GALLON DICK

(scowls at his deputy) Point bein’ the Mayor has asked me to head to the train station and pick ‘em up and show ‘em to their new lodgings at the Philips Hotel. Now I came in here lookin’ for the two of you, thinkin’ it’d help something mighty if you could come along and show these three empyreans around.

(Little and the Deputy nod in assent.)

TEN GALLON DICK

Who the hell even comes into a saloon in the morning?

DEPUTY COLBY

That fella. (points to door)

(In walks a young, thin dude, and okay fine he’s black. He looks like a cowboy: red scarf, leather chaps, tilted black hat. His clothes make him more intimidating than he should be. He doesn’t make eye contact with the three policemen. Instead, he sits at the far end of the bar and shouts for a sarsaparilla. The bar tender appears from a back room and delivers it, then disappears again.)

DEPUTY COLBY

Who the hell is this guy? I haven’t seen him around Thrasherville.

TEN GALLON DICK

That’s Evander Kane, deputy. Fastest gun in Western Canada is what I hear. Now he’s down in Thrasherville tryin’ his luck among the big guns.

LITTLE LITTLE

You know him?

(Ten Gallon is silent.)

DEPUTY COLBY

Whaddaya say he head to the train station and wait for these empyreans?

(The policemen get up and leave. Kane the young gunslinger is still at the bar.)

Scene 3

(Cut back to train interior. Maxim and Pavel, the newest additions to Thrasherville, have been joined by the huge guy, who seems to be called “Nik,” who entered the train car at the end of Scene 1.)

PAVEL

So how the hell did you just get on the train in the middle of the desert?

NIK

I am a big guy.

(Maxim blinks, uncomprehending.)

PAVEL

So you just stopped the train on your own and got on?! I mean, I’m a fairly big guy too, but—-

NIK

Ha! NO. I jumped aboard and the conductor thought I was a brigand, so he slammed on the brakes to throw me off. But I held on. I held on. I even have a ticket!

MAXIM

So how do you two know each other?

PAVEL

Worked together back in Leafburg. (To Nik) I had no idea you were headed to Thrasherville as well!

NIK

I meant to get on this morning back at Leafburg, but I missed the train. Had to chase this thing through the desert…though I did have some help.

(Nik reaches into his rucksack and produces a small live coyote. Pavel and Max gasp.)

MAXIM

What in heaven’s name?!

NIK

He is my desert friend. He’s having financial troubles at the moment, so I’m giving him a place to stay until he gets sorted out.

(Silence. Pavel and Max stare. The coyote stares back.)

*********

Stay tuned for more.